Emailed to me. I just loved it. Wanted to share:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the
morning, Satan shudders and says, ‘OH SHIT… SHE’S AWAKE!’

I just loved this and even though we all know that being a housewife would certainly be preferable to being a prison inmate, I thought you would get a chuckle out of it while comparing the two.

In prison, you get three square meals a day.

At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it.

In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.

At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can’t sleep without his latest lego creation.

(more…)

I have not quite had this happen but I have come close.

Stranded

On duty as a customer-service representative for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn’t know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description, beyond “a nice blue four-door.”

After a long pause, the driver replied, “My car is the one on fire.”

Cute one from Reader’s Digest.

 Checkout Restrictions

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?”